Reflections On A Sabbatical: Part Two
What I've learned, unlearned and relearned about my three months 'off'
I write part two of my sabbatical reflections during the week I was “supposed” to be re-onboarding back at Glitch. I’ve had mixed emotions about it all. But there’s been one that’s lingered: the fear of burnout. Again. That was a strong drum beat I felt last weekend. Followed by an ear infection so bad that I had to go on a seven day course of antibiotics. A signal from above?!
I feel proud that I pushed my official start date back (old Seyi just would have ‘pushed through’), but I’m gutted not to be working with my amazing team yet; I’m worried about what another round of illness means; and of course, there’s the chronic fatigue. This was a cocktail of feelings that informed how I want and need to return. Part-time.
It’s a boundary and remit I couldn’t imagine working within four months ago, but my body and my health need it. Even factoring in financials (with the rising cost of living + buying a flat, ah!) I had to spend the last few days re-applying all that I had learnt (and unlearnt) about what I wanted for myself during my sabbatical.
Light bulb moment 💡
It felt like I needed to step back and see this as a moment to reconfigure how I’m showing up in the world. And it definitely couldn’t be at the expense of me: my physical, mental and emotional health. It was a scary and unfamiliar opportunity to centre myself. To communicate my needs. To continue building a healthier relationship with ego and soothe my nervous system.
Sure, another three months off would be great, but I don’t believe that’s the thing that would help regulate my nervous system in the long term. After great rest and spaciousness, I needed to rebuild trust with myself – and my inner child – and be ok with making some mistakes in this transition.
Soft life isn’t a mantra or a moment but a state of being. And so this period is about figuring how to put this into action. But to get to this very moment of applying my learnings from sabbatical, I had to work (extremely) hard on getting a sabbatical first! This is part one of my advice on how to approach a sabbatical now that I’m on the other side.
Don’t wait so long! I’m currently planning my rest and pause moment within the book tour and how some of my monthly three-day sabbaths can be overnight stays somewhere (I’m doing this over the weekend – can’t wait to visit Margate!)
Put money aside. Because stressing about paying the bills while you're supposed to be resting is just not the one. I prioritised income generation and work priorities that would enable me to step away from Glitch and know the team would be more than okay because there was money in the bank and I could get paid.
Empower and trust your team. I prioritised the growth of the Glitch team by hiring an excellent senior leadership and together fostering our org culture that was radical and built on professional trust. That included being vulnerable with the team to let them know all the crap I was dealing on top of burnout.
Create a strategy. I set out the blueprint in a two year Strategic Plan. During an offsite week, I spoke to each team member so they knew where they were leading in the movement. I also took this as a bit of a test run for when I do eventually leave – it’s important to send signals that it wouldn’t be healthy for me to stay there forever and ever. It was time for me to decouple myself from Glitch.
Build the infrastructure. Thanks to a slow walk around central London and lunch at Juci Jerk in Selfridges with my friend Hannah, I realised I was not only wearing multiple hats at Glitch, but I also had a growing non-Glitch business (partly driven by the book). I literally had to sit with an excel spreadsheet to work out how I managed all my responsibilities: Author, Board appointments, public speaking, life admin + my CEO job in a week. Now, within the goal to work part time, I’m using my remaining working week to build the right infrastructure to support me as my non-Glitch opportunities grow and making sure self care is at the heart of that.
Seek out an external voice. I found a coach who has experience working with Black women in senior leadership to completely guide me through the last three months. It started with a deep-dive session so she could really get to know me and the areas I was battling in order to develop a personalised 12 week workbook for me.
Unlearn/Relearn
Unlearn
During my sabbatical, I self-diagnosed myself with time dysphoria. I’d really like to know if any of these symptoms resonate with you.
Do you feel like you can cheat time? Google maps says it will take 15 minutes to walk to the station but you are adamant you can do it in 10, maybe even 8 minutes.
Do you overestimate what you can achieve on your to-do list?
Do you keep going past the planned breaks because you’re okay and then regret it later that evening when you are trying to wind down ‘cos you’re buzzing off the adrenaline?
I think one part of this comes from the idea that capitalism has taught us what we should achieve in X amount of time which was never realistic in the first place. Targets and profits has turned human beings into human doings.
I think the second part comes from being a millennial and the peer pressure to do everything and being massively busy, have different side hustles and turn our hobbies into one of the seven income streams we need to survive in harsh capitalism.
This superhuman efficiency was a massive thing to unlearn and I feel like I’m tested on this everyday. My wise friend Rebecca told me something that I now turn into a daily mantra when I feel this anxiety of YOU MUST DO IT ALL!: “You don’t owe anybody anything”. This mantra reset helps me understand why I'm wanting to do all of this so quickly? For society or for me? I'm in another fight or flight response because of a scarcity mindset society teaches us. What is actually enough and accept that in order to create even more spaciousness to not flood my nervous system.
Relearn
Burnout recovery is not a quick fix and I had to accept there may be some life altering implications. The Nagoski twins, who wrote the brilliant book on burnout, said once you burnout you are more likely to experience it again. So regular planned rest, even when I don’t feel like it is the number one priority.
Hot Takes
Here’s an interview I did with Vogue Magazine before my sabbatical, which came out last month.
A couple of TikTok videos I saved for future reference:
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And a funny take on listening to your bodies needs… #realtalk
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This song came up in a song radio while I was washing my hair and I was going to tweet Tricia to say you’d love this, only to realise it was Tricia’s song!
I listened to this podcast recently and the biggest takeaways for me were:
1) Stress is anxiety over imperfections.
2) To focus on unclenching and undoing.
3) "Just relax" doesn't actually do anything.
4) Letting go or changing how you show up in that situation causing stress will but from a calmer place.
5) Stress can be about external things and internal judgement about ourselves #loveauntyTara
Adulting inspo: I'm really seeking to be at the place where Venus Williams is at. Where you stop having such an emotional reaction to tactics of white supremacy, so that it doesn't drain you. Not by numbing or hardening the heart but coming from a place of deep deep convictions in your self-worth and ego. An inspiration <3
