Before Their First Device: A Digital Citizenship Rehearsal for Kids
A 10–15 minute, neurodiverse-friendly way to help children build agency, dignity and boundaries online — without shame or lectures.
‘ello Digital Citizens,
Christmas is typically new device season: a first phone, first tablet, gaming console, smart watch, or laptop… and suddenly a child has access to a world that can be fun, educational and overwhelming.
Yesterday, King Charles spoke in his Christmas message about the importance of stepping away from our devices and returning to human connection. I couldn’t agree more — and for children especially, that begins with how we introduce technology in the first place.
I’ve spent the last decade working on digital safety and citizenship — from delivering programmes in secondary schools, to serving as a school governor and local councillor, to advising tech companies and public leaders on what safety actually requires. This rehearsal is the simple, practical version I wish every family had.
So here’s my offering: a Digital Citizenship Rehearsal.
Not a list of rules.
Not a “perfect parent” handbook.
A rehearsal.
Because this isn’t a test — it’s a practice.
Especially if your child is neurodiverse, sensitive, anxious, bold, curious, impulsive, shy, or all of the above… the goal isn’t perfection. The goal is predictable safety, repair, and ongoing conversation.
And because online harm disproportionately affects girls, Black children, disabled children, LGBTQ+ children and children already navigating power — we build safety with dignity, not control.
You can do this rehearsal in 10–15 minutes before they download their first app, create an account, or get full access to their new device. There’s also a bonus edition at the bottom for solo/ co-parenting under stress, parenting in temporary housing, fostering, living in a looked-after care context, or supporting a child across multiple adults and systems — this rehearsal is for you.
The 5 Principles of Digital Citizenship
These are my suggestions and provocations — please tweak as needed
1. Agency
You get to choose what you see, who can reach you, and when you log off.
Convo starter:
“Your phone works for you. You don’t work for it.”
Parents / carers: role modelling matters here too.
2. Dignity
We don’t treat people as content. We don’t let anyone treat us as content.
Convo starter:
“We don’t post people to embarrass them. And you deserve respect too.”
This includes how we talk to technology too — Siri, Google Mini, Alexa.
Bonus: Change the voice of the device together.
It’s a small thing, but it reminds children that technology is shaped — not magical.
3. Boundaries
Being reachable is not the same as being available.
Convo starter:
“You can be kind and still say ‘not now’.”
Agree a healthy amount of screen time together — and be intentional about what counts (homework, research, creative play, socialising).
If you’re not sure, here’s a starting point:
No more than 90 minutes in one go
Aim for total screen time to be 50% less than their offline extracurricular activities
Why? Because offline life keeps them anchored.
4. Ask for Help
If you feel unsafe, confused, pressured, or scared — you don’t handle it alone.
Convo starter:
“You will never be in trouble for telling me.”
Bonus: Appoint a trusted older cousin, sibling, or young aunty/uncle who can be a “digital godparent.”
Remember: it takes a village.
5. Repair + Responsibility
We will all get things wrong. We learn. We repair.
Convo starter:
“We don’t hide mistakes. We fix them.”
With all rights comes responsibility — repair can look like:
re-establishing principles after an incident
practising an apology
taking a break
reading privacy and controls together
updating parent controls (if needed)
The 5 Conversations to have before the first device
If your child hates long lectures — don’t we all — do just one today. You can return later.
Conversation 1: “What do you want this device to help you do?”
Choose 1–3 answers:
talk to friends
learn things
be creative
play games
feel connected
keep safe
Why it matters: your intention becomes your anchor.
Conversation 2: “What stays private?”
We decide together:
what you don’t post
what you only share with trusted people
what stays offline
Examples: school name, address, full name, live location, family arguments, passwords.
Bonus: Password managers help a lot.
And a reminder: privacy and safety are not false dichotomies. We deserve both.
Conversation 3: “What do you do if someone is unkind?”
We rehearse three steps:
Pause (don’t reply straight away)
Screenshot
Tell a grown-up
Phrase to practise:
“I’m not continuing this conversation.”
Conversation 4: “What do you do if your friend is doing something wrong online?”
We practise being a good digital citizen:
don’t join in
don’t share harm (including AI-generated harmful content — and especially any nude or sexual images of anyone under 18)
tell a trusted adult if someone is being targeted
Phrase to practise:
“That’s not okay. Let’s stop.”
Bonus: Prepare them: having integrity doesn’t always make you popular… but it does make you trusted.
Conversation 5: “What do we do when the internet makes us feel bad?”
We normalise nervous system care:
log off
breathe
reset
talk
Phrase to practise:
“My body doesn’t feel good right now. I’m logging off.”
Bonus: A feelings wheel helps children name what’s happening.
A Mini “Family Agreement”
Keep it simple!
You can literally say:
We take breaks.
We don’t post people to shame them.
We don’t respond when we’re angry.
We ask for help.
We repair when we get it wrong.
That’s enough to start.
🎭 The Rehearsal Script
Here’s a script you can riff from before the first device:
“Welcome to the First Device Rehearsal.
Today we’re practising five things: agency, dignity, boundaries, asking for help, and repair.
The internet will try to test you.
Our job is to protect your peace and your voice.
You can always come to me.
This isn’t a test — it’s a practice.”
Bonus Edition: Solo Parents +
(A 10-minute rehearsal for families carrying a lot.)
If you’re parenting solo, co-parenting under stress, parenting in temporary housing, fostering, living in a looked-after care context, or supporting a child across multiple adults and systems — this rehearsal is for you.
The goal here isn’t perfection.
The goal is predictable safety, dignity, and support — even when life is busy, complicated, or emotionally heavy.
The One-Minute Foundation
Before anything else, say:
“My job is not to control you.
My job is to keep you safe and protect your peace.
You can always tell me if something happens online.
You won’t be in trouble for telling the truth.”
The 3-Step Safety Plan (works even when you’re tired)
Pause — don’t reply
Save — screenshot it
Share — tell me, or tell your trusted adult
Phrase to practise:
“I’m not continuing this conversation.”
The Trusted Adult Triangle (because it takes a village)
Choose 2–3 trusted people together:
school safeguarding lead
foster carer / guardian
youth worker / mentor
older cousin / auntie / uncle
keyworker / social worker (if appropriate)
The goal isn’t monitoring — it’s support.
The Belonging Rule
“You deserve belonging that doesn’t cost you your dignity.”
And if online conflict feels like danger, remind them:
“Your job is not to win the argument.
Your job is to get safe.”
If you want further support
Paid subscribers will get a one-page printable (fridge-friendly + neurodiverse-friendly).
And I’m hosting a live workshop in the new year — a calm, practical rehearsal for parents and carers. Paid subscribers will also get a discount code to the live workshop + free access to the replay until the end of half-term! That way you can check in on how your children are doing and make small adjustments without shame.
📚 If you’d like the full toolkit, you can order my book How to Stay Safe Online via Newham Bookshop, a brilliant independent bookstore I’m proud to support.
If you share one thing this holiday season, share this:
In Community,
Seyi
Brilliant approach to digital safety for kids. The rehearsal framing removes the shame element that usually shuts down these conversations before they even start. I tried somethign similar with my nephew's first phone and the difference between scripting responses vs just warning about dangers was night and day. That password manager note is gold too becuase it solves the lab-inside-the-lab problem before it happens.